yipee!!! the mid-year exams ended yesterday!! after one week of perserverance n hard work, i could finally stop looking at books for a while, though, it's kinda depressing to note tt sch starts next week, n i only have 1 day left to do anything i want.. actually nt really lah... my mum keep telling me to go back n do work(nt like i listen to her though=x)
yep, i noe there's plenty of homework still lay on the desk for me to do... but i juz cant bring myself to do them.. i want to give myself some time to rest n enjoy b4 doing anything serious.. yet the truth is tt even though i havent been doing anything srious, neither have i had proper rest nor proper enjoyment...
straight after exam on fri.. i went to get a haircut with my sis.. n e entire afternoon was taken up... waiting time, cutting time, listenin to my sis complain time, dinner time n no slping time b4 i rushed out for shooting.. n end up nt performing also.. tt's how i spent my time after exams.. so sian..
n the problem abt never been able to perform during jj monthly.. i consulted coach abt it.. gt the ans.. understood.. recognise the prob.. but i doubt i will perform at the next n last jj monthly.. it's all in the mind.. the fact tt i have this grudge could never change n it will stay there.. no, i have no anger, no hatred.. but wad i have is disappointment n nervousness.. this cannot be changed.. the cut is too deep, n the scar never disappears.. even though i no longer take shooting n the events tt happened related to it too hard to heart, i noe tt deep in me i have lost quite some hope in shooting, the team n myself..
plus i find it hard to find a reason to persuade myself not to give up yet.. it's like tt.. u dont have a choice..
when priorities come n when others make their necessary choices, u usually will b affected n end up with no choice..
i have sorted out my thoughts abt it already with coach's help..
very often i find myself hesistating in getting my priorities right n doing things bla bla..
when u need to give it up one thing, u have to..
otherwise u will lose another n end up with nthing..
i've learnt to understand tt..
wadeva the case is, i'm glad i have my thoughts straightened out..
4th july is the last competition, national inter-sch.. lets c abt tt..
i will stop talking abt shooting now, cos it is going to bore u..
exams... i noe this is boring too.. n i dont like to talk abt it... juz bear wif it for a few sentences k..
chem's ok lar.. i take exams until i blur liao.. section b a bit waste.. no time..
maths.. the front's manageable, back a bit hard.. overall ok lor.. also no time..
bio mcq a bit hard.. paper 2's ok, only gt 1 last part of i qn no time to finish in section a.. overall ok also lar..
yup..
my haircut wasnt very well done.. but.. nvm lah.. i'm always ok with it.. u'll get to c it on mon..
aiyah.. i very sianz arh.. i wanna watch tv... but my mum ah... aiyoyo.. wan to do hmk but dont feel like it.. tml then say lah hor... heehee ^_^
ok.. shld end here le.. have a gd night.. byebye!

~ walk through life being you♥


i've a talk with someone...
it's the last lap for everything..
after the previous week.. shooting is paused for the coming exams..
whether i can cut the string tt shooting is tied to me, pulling me down is all dependent on this week...
i shldn i noe i have to believe tt i could,
so i m going to believe tt i could..
n i will.
i will.
n i will do it.
i will stop myself frm losing hope..
i will stop trying to...
i will do it..
it's the last lap..
i've gotta put in everything tt i have
n i will
i have reorganiseed my thoughts, thought abt it..
n decided an unwritten plan..
but i will follow it. immediately after i end this post.
the exams r coming so i m going to stop bloggin for a while..
den after this exams, it will b the last n final lap for shooting..
it will be the last time i think abt shooting..
n i will nt think abt shooting this week.
i will nt let it invade my thoughts..
i'll work hard.
wish me luck!
may my new given strength protect me.
till next time..
i m glad i m serious again...
at least have a smile? :)

~ walk through life being you♥


there's something wrong with the tagboard again.. i will fix it soon.. anyway thnks anonymouse for ya concern.. the scream was there... becos it represents wad i feel like doing, wad i was going to try do.. wad has been done.. n its outcome...
many times i've found myself in a terrible mess, an unsettled confusion.. my mind, my life n my work...
many times i've found myself on the verge on giving up, i m nt sure if i've given up.. or i haven..
but i noe i need to continue..
many times i've known the lack in control, determination, strength n fighting spirit in myself..
but i noe i cant go on like this...
many times i m so frustrated abt my incapability to do wad i shld do... n abt my own complaints n yet nt doing anything abt it...
many times i found myself hating myself..
i found myself struggling to accept the reality.. struggling to stand up straight n face it...
i want to fulfill my dreams.. yet i m in partial disbelief tt i can do it..
many times i've told myself to persevere, to never give up n work on to it.. to believe tt it will be able to come true if i've worked hard enough.. be it regarding shooting or studies..
i dunno if it is cos i didnt work hard enough.. i work hard the wrong way, or something else's wrong..
many times i feeling like giving up.. n tired of working n going on... i've fought for it.. n had always lost...
i m nt brave anymore..
i dont have the determination anymore..
i m scared of failing after so many failures...
my life's in jeopardy... but i noe i gotta move on...
i've got to..
n i hope i will reorganise myself..
pick myself up..
n do wad i can again.

~ walk through life being you♥


it's raining now...
i m feeling...
i hate myself...
wait...
i m confused...
i need more time...
give me strength...
the rain's getting heavier...
there's thunder...
don't...
stop screaming at me..
right...
i'm going to do it...
now.












The Scream by Edvard Munch

~ walk through life being you♥


how real is the world? everyday ppl live each day.. some hoping to fulfill their dreams... sometimes ppl live so much according to what was planned or least according to an either literal or imaginary time table.. with our lives so structured n institutionalized, how much are we actually really conscious of wad we are doing? r we actually defining conscious as juz to be awake? some may say tt everything we do has a reason behind it.. n tt reason is wad tt keeps us conscious.. i dunno.. i was fed up with my work n my inability to concentrate on wad is necessary tt i end up facing this com, complaining...
can dreams be real? i often define dreams as a unconscious replay of events when u r asleep... they can be a recollect of events tt u have seen during the day, or kept deep in ur mind where u often pay no or less attention to...
otherwise, dreams r hopes of a person, a wish someone has.. which is often believed by the person tt it will nt come true... but the hope is there..

okok... i suddenly feel tt i m wasting my time now toking abt something tt is nt realted to my work n the coming exams.. mayb unrealistic...
wadever...

i always get fed up over myself...

tt's y i need to wake up...
wake up? i m not slping..
-_- ok ok...

but pls..
i seriously need to wake up n feel the seriousness...
i really gotta start doing something...
stop talking nonsense n do something serious...
START studying...
sigh.. argh..

not much time left...


~ walk through life being you♥


hey..
give me another chance to start all over again...

~ walk through life being you♥


it's like wad? a thousand yrs since my last blog post? ok lah.. nt tt long.. juz a month or so.. have been really tied up... i noe its a long time since i last polished this place... ok lets update some of the recent- n- going- to- happen things...
lets start with studies..
my results r tumbling down n i have wasted one week over cca...c e stress?
gp common test's next tues..
mid yr's the last week of june.. meanin i oni have 2 weeks b4 it...
n i'm struggling to juggle shooting n studies..
now talk abt shooting..
the shooting jackets have arrived.. it looked exactly e same as the sch's one, other than e words air pistol/rifle n team JJ shooting... den linus's talkin abt doing initials at e back.. nt a bad idea..
yesterday n today: the NUSIS 2006 as mentioned above.. it means nus invitational shoot... outcome.. long story.. tell u nxt time..(wonder how long will it b b4 the nxt time)
den there is shooting camp on mon n tues.. 29th n 30th i think...quite a success... clearly much more enjoyable then last yr's... n the j1s really enjoyed their time.. other than the range cleaning part n my pc part..haha.. range cleaning cant b helped..it's a must.. pc.. i insists tt its necessary..
den next thurs we transferring weapons to cdans, jjmonthly on sat, cdans monthly on sun... i hope tt the jj monthly ppl can give me a chance...
dunno lah... i have promised myself though tt other than these events.. i make sure shooting is out of my life.. i m already far behind others.. n i seriously need to forget everything n start doing something... its already very very late...
den class n miscelleanous...
the class t should b coming out pretty... forgot to help linda to call the guy.... busy with shooting u c..
my sis having guitar camp nxt week... wish her all e best..
oh yah.. yesterday's jingyi's birthday.. gt her some gifts n a bday cake.. hope she likes them....
oh yesterday was ac idol too.. very sad, couldnt b there to b with my sis.. i want to watch too... but..sigh, hope she dont feel upset.. oh.. if u want to noe more abt e acidol thingy.. can go check it out...
yup tt's abt it.. it's getting very late.. n i m very very very tired...oh yah..(today i went to e arcade at safra.. haiya.. dun wanna talk abt it... tt trip didnt really help me to relieve any stress.. oni make me feel even more sad....)
ok lah... i really very tired liao..
till next time:)

~ walk through life being you♥