did i say i was exhausted sometime ago? i must b wrong.. cos this week sucked away more of my energy than ever b4 in this term so far...
tml is the big event: HomeTeam 1st Inter-Sch Shoot.
and for tt, we trained so hard... n put in so much effort.. n now the outcome is going to depend on the several hours of personal performance.. i hope we will nt b disappointed..
anyway, i juz realised tt the blood capillaries in my eyes are going to burst pretty soon.. this week's really draining... lessons lessons, homework homework, tests n tests.. everything's piling up.. i m trying to motivate myself.. really trying to cope with everything, the physical n mental exhaustion... i m really trying..
mon n training was training in sch.. wed we transported the equipment to cdans at abt 5, after the j1 3rd trial, training.. reverting back to 1-shot per card training, thurs training at cdans at 5.30.. tt's the time when i reached there after lesson n braving the pouring rain.. i nearly missed the stop.. fell aslp.. today i tried to prevent myself frm going n giving myself a break b4 tml.. by staying in sch to do p&c.. quite effective..
many feel tt shooting club is a slacker club.. the range's always closed.. actually it's nt true... we were training at somewhere else.. n tt we have to travel there by our own means.. so tt's really a misconception.. there's really a lot of hard work n effort behind...
tml is another event to look forward to... we have our goals we hope to achieve.. n i hope i can like wad ms loon say.. give my best shot... abt the mental prep.. i guess i will do it b4 i slp later..
so tt's abt shooting for today.. seriously speaking, i have overflowing passion for shooting n i can definitely discuss abt it for many hours n many pgs.. but let's stop it here..
i promised mr lee to hand in p&c today n try handing in na nxt week.. really is try.. everything is piling on.. it's nt tt i cant breathe.. is tt my body has its limits... it is nt helping me to accomplish wadever my brain n will wish to...
i am still lagging behind, moving too slow.. i had to rush to catch up yet at the same time ensure tt i noe wad i'm doing... for tt, i'm glad i persuaded myself to stay out of the idp programmes tt i often hope to join.. we gt back our progress report today.. i dunno how to comment on it.. let's juz sa y tt my sis hu is doing 1 sub more than me is doing better than me.. it's nt abt comparison, it's abt knowing where u stand...
i noe i need to buck up.. n i noe i'm trying.. right now, i need to make it successful..
but i guess, this wkend is already burnt..
things sound really bad for me.. i noe.. but i m nt pessimistic.. i've learnt to shoot with positive thoughts in mind, now i will try to make use the knowledge gained to study n push myself with the same postive thoughts..
read aileen's blog sometime ago..
wld like to voice my own thoughts too..
balls.. i agree to wad she is saying to certain extent.. different balls, each has their own game to play .. comparison is good at some ways n bad at some ways.. aileen provided the idea of the downfall of comparison n also how unnecessary it is.
so let me juz discuss the other side..
different balls, different effectiveness at varied forms of usage.. this is wad i inferred.. yes, i agree, everyone has their own strengths.. wad i wld like to say is tt sometimes when we look at the application of our strengths, it's nt fully playing ur own game.. cos wad i feel is tt we all happen to be on the same court with varied characteristics n abilities. yes, comparison is unnecessary cos u r ultimately challenging urself to scale greater heights.. but how do ppl often realise the need to challenge urself? it's nt something tt can be juz 'dawn uponed' individually.. many may argue tt there is no limit in challenging urself.. n u need no standard for comparison.. i agree to tt partially cos.. i feel tt to b able to first compete with urself, u need to noe where u stand.. n to noe where u stand.. comparisons come in.. n den u noe which direction to stretch ur limits further.. it nt abt working towards their goal, it's working towards ur goal of extending ur capability.. tt's wad i mean by same court, different balls, but with comparison, different ways of manipulating each ball to better it's function can b derived. otherwise ur game is stagnant, if u ignore the other games ongoing around u. there can b no improvemts if u only wants to stay at a comfortable pace in ur own game.
so if u do understand wad i have been talking abt, u wld understand wad i am going to say nxt. comparisons is nt abt being the better one or abt trying to overclimb one another. it's abt having a gauge n a 'push' force to better urself n overclimb ur limits. so tt's for comparisons..
aileen also brought up another pt.. measuring ur self-worth by academic results.. the negative issue abt comparing with others. once, leen asked me this: will getting As make u a happier person?
i answered yes and no.. n i havent gt a chance to xplain my reasons to her.. yes bcos of the self-satisfication, the knowledgement tt i've successfully attained my goal to challenge myself to do better.. it's nt abt having greater self-worth or nt, it's abt one's ability to challenge him/herself to scale greater altitudes... n academic results can be a rather useful gauge to tt as a student..
no cos.. happiness in life is nt accountable by just the magnitude of achievements.. it's alot more of other things.. tt i will nt go deeper into...
but it is true tt happiness in a student is often affected by it..
nonetheless, in any case, i need to clarify tt these r just wad i thought abt, my personal opinions. they r text to express my point of view, nt to serve as rebuttals to anybody's beliefs, comments, views or words...
so if u do disagree with wadever u've read thus far.. i hope i u will nt put it in mind.. bcos there is no intention to criticise or comment on others behind this post.
sigh, after typing so much.. i can feel my eyes closing on me.. i gotta slp now.. hope this lengthy post have nt bore u... sweet dreams.. till nxt time(^_^)
oh yah b4 i forget..
GOOD LUCK TO ALL COMPETITORS TML!!
jiayou!

~ walk through life being you♥